Showing posts with label Dayhoff humor Carroll Co. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dayhoff humor Carroll Co. Show all posts

Thursday, August 21, 2008

20080807 “La Policía” © by Kevin Dayhoff

“La Policía”

August 7, 2008 © by Kevin Dayhoff
Picture caption: Carroll County Commissioners Dean Minnich, Julia Gouge, and Mike Zimmer on the barricades at the Carroll County Office Building, Westminster, Maryland by Delacroix and Kevin Dayhoff August 7th, 2008

Writer’s note: A shortened version of this appeared in the
Sunday Carroll Eagle on August 17, 2008: “And now, for this week’s installment of ‘La Policia,’ in the Opinion section of the paper.
_____

Carroll County’s reputation for low crime and an aggressive approach to public safety is not a recent phenomenon.

Over 80 years ago on July 16, 1925, the editor of the American Sentinel newspaper in Westminster, Joseph D. Brooks wrote that many “years ago Carroll county was known to criminals all over the state as an ‘open door to the penitentiary,’ and many there were who entered by way of that door.”

However, as one can imagine when a community determines any public policy to be of paramount importance there are bound to be impassioned conflicts and dramas.

Writing for the Historical Society of Carroll County in 2001, Jay Graybeal noted in his introduction of the 1925 newspaper article, “Why the Listlessness of the Sheriffs of Carroll County?”; that it seems that Mr. Brooks had become unhappy with the Carroll County sheriff and state’s attorney and was letting them know that in no uncertain terms.

Carroll County history is replete with colorful conflicts, many of operatic proportions, between the Carroll County board of commissioners, the Carroll County delegation to Annapolis, the state’s attorney’s office, and the sheriff.

In the most recent act of this ongoing opera, on October 4, 2007 the Carroll County board of commissioners opted to move forward with a plan to form a county police department headed by an appointed chief of police.

Not willing to disappoint future historians, troubadours from far-flung regions of the Carroll County Empire then entered the stage and chaos ensued. I read several of the news accounts with the soundtrack of “Les Misérables” playing in the background.

The only disappointment is that Victor Hugo, the author of the classic 1862 novel, is not available to write about it.

Just as with any good storytelling, “La Policía” the current epic Carroll County constitutional conflict over the future of the police in Carroll County has many layers, story lines, strong personalities, and plot twists.

The frenzied operatic moments are reminiscent of what a collaboration between the famous 19th-century composer Richard Wagner and his father-in-law, Franz Liszt, would have looked like; with the emphasis of folks attempting to promote a plan for the future that cannot escape the past.

The very first act of La Policía is borrowed from Les Misérables. As the curtains rise, the scene before the bewildered citizen audience is the barricaded Carroll County office building.

It’s August 7, 2008 and the commissioners have just voted 2-1 to not move forward with the October 4, 2007 police plan.

As the smoke rises from the stage, there is a break in the action as members of the Carroll County Sheriff’s Department are storming the barricades.

Blinking red and blue police lights reflect back and forth in the fog of the smoke.

In the background, the delegation to Annapolis forms the chorus and is softly singing.

The three commissioners are standing on top of the barricades. Commissioners Mike Zimmer and Dean Minnich are on either side of Julia Gouge, holding her steady as she waves an oversized Carroll County flag.

Office building employees have broken out the windows and are showering the storming sheriff’s deputies with office furniture.

The stage is littered with burning newspapers as the local media has shelled all the participants with folded newspapers shot from makeshift artillery.

Off to the side, Channel 13 news reporter Mike Schuh is attempting to interview Westminster Police Chief Jeff Spaulding. The only thing is - the chief has the 1971 Led Zeppelin classic, “The Battle of Evermore,” coincidentally, the title of the first act of La Policía, cranked-up so loud on the car stereo, no one can hear a thing.

Inside the office building the receptionist, Kay Church, is serving cookies, answering the phones and has armed herself with a salad shooter and big bag of carrots.

Ted Zaleski, the director of management and budget is huddled off to the side with Vivian Laxton, the public information administrator as they try and figure out who is playing what character from Les Misérables.

All of the sudden there is silence on the stage as famed local historian; Jay Graybeal emerges from the fog as a narrator, smiles and begins to softly tell the story of the history of the sheriff’s department.

“When Carroll County was founded in 1837, one of the first tasks…” of the newly formed government was to elect a sheriff. As with many aspects of early American government, its origins date back to the history of mother England.

According to some undocumented notes, “1200 years ago, England was inhabited by Anglo-Saxons. Groups of a hundred would ban together and form communities known as a “tun,” from where we get the word, “town.”

Every group of a hundred, or “tun,” as led by a “reeve,” which was the forerunner of what we now know as a chief of police.

According to Mr. Brooks, the reeve was “charged with the execution of the laws … and the preservation of the peace, and, in some cases having judicial powers. He was the King’s reeve, or steward over a shire … — a distinctive royal officer, appointed by the king, dismissible at a moment’s notice…”

Groups of “tuns” banned together to form a larger form of government known as a ‘Shire’” – what we now know as a county; and my old notes reflect that in order to distinguish the leader of a “Shire,” from a leader of a tun, the more powerful official became known as a “Shire-Reeve.”

Which is where we get the modern word “sheriff.”

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20080807 “La Policía” © by Kevin Dayhoff

Wednesday, April 7, 1999

Environmental Affairs Advisory Board Rediscovered on the County Staff DisOrganized ReOrganizational Chart

Environmental Affairs Advisory Board Rediscovered on the County Staff DisOrganized ReOrganizational Chart

April 9, 1999

Today, it was disclosed exactly where the Environmental Affairs Advisory Board would soon be restored to the County Staff disorganized reorganizational chart.

…..Attendance of all County Staff was mandatory at a ceremony at the fountain in front of the County Office Building as high Carroll County Government officials announced stringent new regulations developed to stem the alarming rise of environmental activism in the community. One official was overheard to say: "Environmentalists get emotional and that leads to overkill in the regulation department."

Meanwhile, at a secret, undisclosed location……………………………………
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Kevin Dayhoff Soundtrack: http://www.kevindayhoff.net/ Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://www.kevindayhoffart.com/ Kevin Dayhoff Westminster: http://www.westgov.net/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/kevindayhoff Twitpic: http://twitpic.com/photos/kevindayhoff
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Sunday, March 21, 1999

19990320 My Locational Whereabouts

My Locational Whereabouts

Kevin E. Dayhoff

Westminster, MD 21158

______________________

Saturday, March 20, 1999

Commander Kay Church, Receptionist

225 North Center Street

Westminster, MD 21157-5194

410.386.2102

Dear Commander Kay,

Oh!, Ah, ummmm, Kay - It seems that I’m lost. Recently, I seem to have been dropped off the office building radar screen - on my head. I’ve gone off to find me. If you should happen to find me, could you please tell me where it is that I am. Right now, I may be losing, but I’m making record time.

Meanwhile, please hold all my calls, should I ever again be found on the County Staff reorganized organizational chart, other than under a rock, face down in Longwell Run desperately hugging a bunny with a clump of unopened resignation letters waded up in my mouth. If Hillary Clinton calls, take a message.

If you should find me aimlessly wondering about the halls of the office building, with a shell shock look about my unshaven face, staggering, stuttering, slobbering and muttering to myself, please direct me to safety; - preferably someplace where chocolate covered doughnuts can be found.

Should you, ever hear a voice similar to mine, disseminating from the close proximity of a pounding sound on the inside a trash truck, would you please consider stopping the truck and saving me from the landfill?

In case I am ultimately ground up into veggie burger and fed to the bog turtles, allow me to share with you what a pleasure it has been to serve under you. Thanks !

Sincerely yours,

Uncle Kevin

Remember Kay, always keep your salad shooter at the ready!!