Showing posts with label Dayhoff humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dayhoff humor. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Kevin Dayhoff - The Tentacle: Thanksgivings’ Traditions – Past and Present


November 24, 2010

Thanksgivings’ Traditions – Past and Present
Today, historians bicker over when and where the first Thanksgiving took place in America; and pundits opine upon its meaning. According to some, the roots of our American Thanksgiving tradition began when 102 Pilgrims left Plymouth, England, in July 1620 to escape religious persecution.

They came to the New World as illegal immigrants and founded a colony of their own so that they could practice their beliefs without fear of retribution, and to be free to persecute others who don’t believe as they do or speak their language.

But essentially they wanted to practice their religion without government interference, and since the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) did not exist at the time, they were allowed to do so.

Since the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) did not exist at the time, they were able to travel freely without surrendering all their personal freedoms and sense of privacy, or being degraded, humiliated and treated like common criminals simply because they wanted to travel...

Westminster Maryland Online
Kevin Dayhoff Soundtrack: Kevin Dayhoff Art:
My columns appear in the copy of the Baltimore Sunday Sun that is distributed in Carroll County:

Friday, May 22, 2009

It was a perfect day, but the interview did not go well.

It was a perfect day, but the interview did not go well.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

While I was in Princeton New Jersey recently, I found myself walking along Nassau Street across from Princeton University.

It was a beautiful spring day. It was a perfect day - - or as Vivian Laxton would say, “C'est un jour parfait à donner des sédatifs.” (

The sidewalk was packed with all sorts of interesting folks; so, I thought that I would gather some views on contemporary events from the person in the street.

Hey, these things always go well when Mike Schuh does them.

Well, my experience was not so good.

She had nothing to say.

I can’t imagine what went wrong. I talked at great length about fashion, sports, life in a college town.

I even sang to her: “Oh it’s such a perfect day, I’m glad I spent it with you. Oh such a perfect day, You just keep me hanging on, You just keep me hanging on.

“Just a perfect day, Problems all left alone, Weekenders on our own. It’s such fun.

“Just a perfect day, You made me forget myself. I thought I was someone else, Someone good.”

In return, I got, like, nothing.

Zip. (And, I might add, it was at this point, that my wife did not know me.)

Maybe I need to get some pointers from Bryan Sears or Clifford Cumber.

Maybe I need to grow a beard like Cumber. Sears would’ve nailed it.

I did get some funny looks from some passers-by.

Kevin Dayhoff Soundtrack:
Kevin Dayhoff Art:
Kevin Dayhoff Westminster:
Westminster Maryland Online

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

GREEN & GLOVER EXTRA: Fox News' Megyn Kelly pregnant

GREEN & GLOVER EXTRA: Fox News' Megyn Kelly pregnant Washington Times

By Stephanie Green and Elizabeth Glover Monday, April 13, 2009

Fox cub?

The lady spies have learned that Fox News "America's Newsroom" anchor Megyn Kelly is expecting her first child in October.

“The 38-year-old Ms. Kelly” has been rumored to have been linked with Carroll County’s own Jamie Kelly in the past. See: Kelly and Megyn Kendall link rumors denied

Then again, Mr. Kelly was also to have been rumored to have had a liaison with Katie Couric also… the cougar Couric goes triathlon

So far, no rumor has ever stuck to the elusive, well-dressed, and erudite Mr. Kelly – and now that he has removed himself to Iowa, it has, unfortunately, been increasing difficult to keep tabs on him…

Meanwhile, Ms. Megyn Kelly has since moved on from whatever relationship she may have had – or not have had – with Mr. Kelly and has since “married her husband Doug Brunt last year.”

Mr. Kelly, who is well known for decorum, maintaining confidences and keeping his month shut – has hardly ever uttered a word.

Well, not quite, in an exchange in researching, “Jamie Kelly and Megyn Kendall link rumors denied.” Mr. Kelly did emit a denial…
Is it all just a coincidence? Then how does one explain this photo
that has recently surfaced?

“Photoshop” says Mr. Kelly.

“That’s just crap and you know it, responded Mr. Kelly.
“There is no truth to the rumor that I’ve hooked-up with Megyn Kendall – or
Kelly, or whatever her name is,” waxed Mr. Kelly.

As for this latest development, so far Mr. Kelly has stayed true to character and not commented. So who knows if he feels melancholy or blue over the whole situation?

Read the rest of the report by Stephanie Green and Elizabeth Glover here:

20090413 Fox News Megyn Kelly pregnant
Kevin Dayhoff Art: (
Kevin Dayhoff: Westminster Maryland Online

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Mike Schuh and the Jefferson Airplane: An ongoing investigation

Mike Schuh and the Jefferson Airplane: An ongoing investigation

The mystery remains – Schuh and the Jefferson Airplane: An ongoing investigation.

January 22, 2009 by Kevin Dayhoff

Mike Schuh, Jefferson Airplane and the Surrealistic Pillow album.

Although Mr. Schuh would have us believe that he graduated from Camel High School, in Illinois in 1979, our in-depth investigation reveals that he did, indeed, play with Jefferson Airplane in the 1960s.

(Coordinating and reconciling these disparate facts remains elusive. Of course, this could all be the manifestation of an over-imaginative writer on his one day off?)

Nevertheless, witness, proof-positive, that Mr. Schuh does appear on the album cover of the Jefferson Airplane February 1967 release of “Surrealistic Pillow.”

This was shortly after Grace Slick had joined the band in 1966. Numerous reports that Mr. Schuh was dating Ms. Slick at the time remain unconfirmed.

Yet, notice her smile as she stands beside Mr. Schuh on the album cover photo…

Perhaps, after all these years, Mr. Schuh, may finally want to comment?

Of course, another mystery that we may want Mr. Schuh to help us out with is whether it is true, or not, that Jerry Garcia played on the album?

Two of the more famous cuts off the album were “White Rabbit” and “Somebody to Love.”

However, three of the other cuts off the album, of which I have always liked; were “Embryonic Journey,” and Plastic Fantastic Lover,” and “How Do You Feel.”

It was always rumored that Marty Balin actually did not write “Plastic Fantastic Lover.” That it was actually written about Mr. Schuh and was indeed, written by Ms. Slick. Or at least inspired by a conversation with Ms. Slick in which she was elaborating on her alleged relationship with Mr. Schuh.

One can only wonder if that is true – or not. Only Mr. Schuh can help us out; and so far, he has remained silent. A point for which we can only admire Mr. Schuh – a man of integrity - he does not kiss and tell.

If I recall correctly, on a number of occasions, when Mr. Schuh interviewed me, in my all-too-distant-now, former life as an elected official; Mr. Schuh was humming “White Rabbit,” as he approached.

Could this be coincidence or yet another indication that Mr. Schuh does indeed, harbor a former secret life as a rock star, long before he became a star journalist with WJZ TV Channel 13, in Baltimore, Maryland.

Inquiring minds want to know.

January 22, 2009 by Kevin Dayhoff

1960000s Schuh and Jefferson Airplane Surrealistic Pillow
Kevin Dayhoff

Kevin Dayhoff: Westminster Maryland Online

Thursday, August 21, 2008

20080807 “La Policía” © by Kevin Dayhoff

“La Policía”

August 7, 2008 © by Kevin Dayhoff
Picture caption: Carroll County Commissioners Dean Minnich, Julia Gouge, and Mike Zimmer on the barricades at the Carroll County Office Building, Westminster, Maryland by Delacroix and Kevin Dayhoff August 7th, 2008

Writer’s note: A shortened version of this appeared in the
Sunday Carroll Eagle on August 17, 2008: “And now, for this week’s installment of ‘La Policia,’ in the Opinion section of the paper.

Carroll County’s reputation for low crime and an aggressive approach to public safety is not a recent phenomenon.

Over 80 years ago on July 16, 1925, the editor of the American Sentinel newspaper in Westminster, Joseph D. Brooks wrote that many “years ago Carroll county was known to criminals all over the state as an ‘open door to the penitentiary,’ and many there were who entered by way of that door.”

However, as one can imagine when a community determines any public policy to be of paramount importance there are bound to be impassioned conflicts and dramas.

Writing for the Historical Society of Carroll County in 2001, Jay Graybeal noted in his introduction of the 1925 newspaper article, “Why the Listlessness of the Sheriffs of Carroll County?”; that it seems that Mr. Brooks had become unhappy with the Carroll County sheriff and state’s attorney and was letting them know that in no uncertain terms.

Carroll County history is replete with colorful conflicts, many of operatic proportions, between the Carroll County board of commissioners, the Carroll County delegation to Annapolis, the state’s attorney’s office, and the sheriff.

In the most recent act of this ongoing opera, on October 4, 2007 the Carroll County board of commissioners opted to move forward with a plan to form a county police department headed by an appointed chief of police.

Not willing to disappoint future historians, troubadours from far-flung regions of the Carroll County Empire then entered the stage and chaos ensued. I read several of the news accounts with the soundtrack of “Les Misérables” playing in the background.

The only disappointment is that Victor Hugo, the author of the classic 1862 novel, is not available to write about it.

Just as with any good storytelling, “La Policía” the current epic Carroll County constitutional conflict over the future of the police in Carroll County has many layers, story lines, strong personalities, and plot twists.

The frenzied operatic moments are reminiscent of what a collaboration between the famous 19th-century composer Richard Wagner and his father-in-law, Franz Liszt, would have looked like; with the emphasis of folks attempting to promote a plan for the future that cannot escape the past.

The very first act of La Policía is borrowed from Les Misérables. As the curtains rise, the scene before the bewildered citizen audience is the barricaded Carroll County office building.

It’s August 7, 2008 and the commissioners have just voted 2-1 to not move forward with the October 4, 2007 police plan.

As the smoke rises from the stage, there is a break in the action as members of the Carroll County Sheriff’s Department are storming the barricades.

Blinking red and blue police lights reflect back and forth in the fog of the smoke.

In the background, the delegation to Annapolis forms the chorus and is softly singing.

The three commissioners are standing on top of the barricades. Commissioners Mike Zimmer and Dean Minnich are on either side of Julia Gouge, holding her steady as she waves an oversized Carroll County flag.

Office building employees have broken out the windows and are showering the storming sheriff’s deputies with office furniture.

The stage is littered with burning newspapers as the local media has shelled all the participants with folded newspapers shot from makeshift artillery.

Off to the side, Channel 13 news reporter Mike Schuh is attempting to interview Westminster Police Chief Jeff Spaulding. The only thing is - the chief has the 1971 Led Zeppelin classic, “The Battle of Evermore,” coincidentally, the title of the first act of La Policía, cranked-up so loud on the car stereo, no one can hear a thing.

Inside the office building the receptionist, Kay Church, is serving cookies, answering the phones and has armed herself with a salad shooter and big bag of carrots.

Ted Zaleski, the director of management and budget is huddled off to the side with Vivian Laxton, the public information administrator as they try and figure out who is playing what character from Les Misérables.

All of the sudden there is silence on the stage as famed local historian; Jay Graybeal emerges from the fog as a narrator, smiles and begins to softly tell the story of the history of the sheriff’s department.

“When Carroll County was founded in 1837, one of the first tasks…” of the newly formed government was to elect a sheriff. As with many aspects of early American government, its origins date back to the history of mother England.

According to some undocumented notes, “1200 years ago, England was inhabited by Anglo-Saxons. Groups of a hundred would ban together and form communities known as a “tun,” from where we get the word, “town.”

Every group of a hundred, or “tun,” as led by a “reeve,” which was the forerunner of what we now know as a chief of police.

According to Mr. Brooks, the reeve was “charged with the execution of the laws … and the preservation of the peace, and, in some cases having judicial powers. He was the King’s reeve, or steward over a shire … — a distinctive royal officer, appointed by the king, dismissible at a moment’s notice…”

Groups of “tuns” banned together to form a larger form of government known as a ‘Shire’” – what we now know as a county; and my old notes reflect that in order to distinguish the leader of a “Shire,” from a leader of a tun, the more powerful official became known as a “Shire-Reeve.”

Which is where we get the modern word “sheriff.”


20080807 “La Policía” © by Kevin Dayhoff

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Julia Child part of WWII era spy ring

Julia Child part of WWII era spy ring

Photo caption: It is not known as to whether or not Carrie Ann Knauer, pictured above interviewing Ms. Child in an undated photograph, followed in Ms. Child’s footsteps. She is indeed not only an excellent writer and cook - - but was she also once a secret agent? Kevin Dayhoff - File photo circa 2000.

Julia Child part of WWII era spy ring. Reports unsubstantiated that
Carrie Ann Knauer was also once a secret agent

August 13, 2008

As many folks who follow the news are aware, it was recently revealed that Julia Child was part of a WWII-era spy ring

As you can read in the Associated Press story: “Other notables identified in the files include John Hemingway, son of author Ernest Hemingway; Quentin and Kermit Roosevelt, sons of President Theodore Roosevelt, and Miles Copeland, father of Stewart Copeland, drummer for the band The Police.”

However it has not been confirmed as to whether or not Carroll County’s very own “Rachael Ray” was ever a spy. We all know
Carrie Ann Knauer’s work; she’s the prolific writer with the Carroll County Times who well known for her excellent coverage of Carroll County’s number one industry, agriculture, the environment and Carroll County’s number one love – food.

Did indeed, Ms. Knauer, pictured above interviewing Ms. Child in an undated photograph, follow in Ms. Child’s footsteps – and is indeed not only an excellent writer and cook - - but was also a secret agent.

Perhaps we’ll never know.

What is known is that Ms. Knauer first burst into the news media when she came to the
Carroll County Times in February 2002. Of course this coincides well with fact that Ms. Childs moved to a retirement community in Santa Barbara, California, in 2001…

We are also aware that Ms. Knauer has been known to disappear for periods of time in which her locational whereabouts are not disclosed

Hmmm, makes you wonder, now doesn’t it.

Documents: Julia Child part of WWII-era spy ring

Related Searches:
CIA Director William Casey
Office of Strategic Services
Kermit Roosevelt
military plans
Slideshow: International spy ring revealed

By BRETT J. BLACKLEDGE and RANDY HERSCHAFT, Associated Press Writers Wed Aug 13, 11:10 PM ET

WASHINGTON - Famed chef Julia Child shared a secret with Supreme Court Justice Arthur Goldberg and Chicago White Sox catcher Moe Berg at a time when the Nazis threatened the world.

They served in an international spy ring managed by the Office of Strategic Services, an early version of the CIA created in World War II by President Franklin Roosevelt.

The full secret comes out Thursday, all of the names and previously classified files identifying nearly 24,000 spies who formed the first centralized intelligence effort by the United States. The National Archives, which this week released a list of the names found in the records, will make available for the first time all 750,000 pages identifying the vast spy network of military and civilian operatives.

They were soldiers, actors, historians, lawyers, athletes, professors, reporters. But for several years during World War II, they were known simply as the OSS. They studied military plans, created propaganda, infiltrated enemy ranks and stirred resistance among foreign troops.


Other notables identified in the files include John Hemingway, son of author Ernest Hemingway; Quentin and Kermit Roosevelt, sons of President Theodore Roosevelt, and Miles Copeland, father of Stewart Copeland, drummer for the band The Police.

Read the entire article here:
Julia Child part of WWII-era spy ring
20080813 Julia Child part of WWII era spy ring

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

20080423 Tofu Dusk at the Mellow Mushroom

Tofu Dusk at the Mellow Mushroom

The story of the tofu sandwich at the “Mellow Mushroom” in six parts.

April 23, 2008 by Kevin Dayhoff

Winston-Salem, North Carolina - - This is the story of Mrs. Owl and I having hummus with pita bread, a tofu sandwich and a calzone; at the “Mellow Mushroom,” 4th and Marshall St., Winston-Salem, North Carolina. The story is told in six – or so parts…


1. Winston-Salem, North Carolina 04/23/2008

2. 4th and Marshall St., Winston-Salem, North Carolina 04/23/2008

3. Mellow Mushroom, Winston-Salem, North Carolina 04/23/2008

4. Ms. Salem Editing, Mellow Mushroom, 314 West 4th St., Winston-Salem, North Carolina. 04/23/2008

5. Ms. Salem Editing et les amis, Mellow Mushroom, 314 West 4th St., Winston-Salem, North Carolina. 04/23/2008

6. Mrs. Owl, the newspaper reader, Mellow Mushroom, 314 West 4th St., Winston-Salem, North Carolina. 04/23/2008

7. And the band played on… Winston-Salem guitar player… Winston-Salem, North Carolina 04/23/2008

The end

Kevin Dayhoff writes from Westminster Maryland USA.

E-mail him at: kdayhoff AT or kevindayhoff AT

His columns and articles appear in The Tentacle -; Westminster Eagle Opinion;, Winchester Report and The Sunday Carroll Eagle – in the Sunday Carroll County section of the Baltimore Sun. Get Westminster Eagle RSS Feed

“When I stop working the rest of the day is posthumous. I'm only really alive when I'm writing.” Tennessee Williams

Accept differences, Be kind, Count your blessings, Dream, Express thanks, Forgive, Give freely, Harm no one, Imagine more, Jettison anger, Keep confidences, Love truly, Master something, Nurture hope, Open your mind, Pack lightly, Quell rumors, Reciprocate, Seek wisdom, Touch hearts, Understand, Value truth, Win graciously, Xeriscape, Yearn for peace, Zealously support a worthy cause. (Author; Renee Stewart)

Thursday, January 3, 2008

20080102 Fragmentary patchworks

Fragmentary patchworks of autochthonous and foreign elements.

January 2nd, 2008 by Kevin Dayhoff

Happy New Year Mr. Isaac Smith. Thanks for the mention - The List (No, Not the Washington Post's). [Free State Politics Maryland's online progressive community.]

Michael Swartz's list of local blogs to watch in 2008 is pretty good. It is missing a few good blogs of note, however…

As much as I agreed with most, but not all, of Mr. Swartz’s list, your list is right on the money. I also miss Stephanie Dray’s Jousting for Justice. And I am very happy that Crablaw's Maryland Weekly is back…

And thanks for calling to our attention the Washington Post’s list: Year in Review 2007 - “The List: What's In and Out for 2008” BY HANK STUEVER - WASHINGTON POST STAFF WRITER - – what a hoot. (And don’t miss giving The Year That Was 2007 by Brian Griffiths a good read. He obviously spent some time thinking about it…)

Your post could not have been timed better as it came shortly after a conversation with a dear colleague who said they like my blog – although I’m too liberal.

Ay caramba - whatever.

Along that thread, another colleague said “Dayhoff … your problem is that you like everybody.”

To that I plead guilty – life is way to short. Then again, maybe not – I don’t like mean people; and that personality defect occurs in folks from all political persuasions.

I simply do not allow politics to dictate my friends - - and I don’t like folks who do pick their friends based on politics. (I’ll be having lunch later in the week with a dear friend with whom I disagree about everything when it comes to politics.) I can disagree with folks about issues, but more often than not – I like the person…

As far as your observation: “… his actual blog hard to read -- its look is extremely busy and most of the posts are just link aggregations…” Hey, you oughta be in my head…

At least with the blog, there is an attempt at organization… I also find my blog “hard to read” and try as I might, after blogging for a number of years, it is still way too busy.

Perhaps my blog is a manifestation of being a hypergraphic attention deficit disorder hyperactive dyslexic. Maybe – just maybe, one day I’ll figure out what I’m doing. Being a technology geek – one would’ve thought blogging would be easy for me. It is not.

At this point, on the blog evolutionary scale, my blog is a monkey on roller skates. The monkey may or may not be wearing a pink tutu - this is for you to decide.

Years ago, I thought blogging would be easy for a columnist and short story writer. It has not been the case. And within the last number of months, I picked up a third (newspaper) column every week; which just proves the “Peter Principle” is real. I’m now way beyond my intellectual and cognitive abilities.

Heckfire – some days, I’m proud to have even found the time, much less the cognitive abilities - to post “link aggregations.”

Meanwhile, I am painstakingly determined to promote constant attention on current procedures of transacting business focusing emphasis on innovative ways to better, if not supercede, the expectations of quality. What I really need in order to navigate the treacherous waters that lie ahead is a list of specific unknown problems I will encounter.

Always remember, the purpose of my blog is to discuss fragmentary patchworks of autochthonous and foreign elements as juxtaposed by the undeniable command mortality of insignificant self-inflicted syntactic semiotic economics which sometimes may cause irreproducible results unless there is a pre-emptive digital fallibility matrix which would require an integrated third-generational triangulated refinement of indefinite managerial potential.

As I wax philosophic with metaphysical postulations, incomplete aphorisms and inconsistent sophism that allows me to conclude, more and more sure, that the only true thing about anything is nothing.

Now I know you believe you understand what you think I just said but I am sure that you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

As always, your thoughtful consideration is appreciated regardless of the outcome on any particular issue. Whether we agree or disagree, always find my door open for friendly civil and constructive dialogue.

Pray for my wife.

Best wishes for a great 2008.

Kevin Dayhoff writes from Westminster Maryland USA.

E-mail him at: kdayhoff AT or kevindayhoff AT

His columns and articles appear in The Tentacle -; Westminster Eagle Opinion;, Winchester Report and The Sunday Carroll Eagle – in the Sunday Carroll County section of the Baltimore Sun. Get Westminster Eagle RSS Feed

Thursday, October 4, 2007

20071003 Living and loving in the age of asparagus

Living and loving in the age of asparagus


Mary Katherine Ham to Alicia Silverstone: Go Hunting

October 3rd, 2007

Although I have spent a large portion of my life as a vegetarian; as I grew older and life got particularly hectic, I gave it up – for now anyway. Who knows, tomorrow, I may go back. Whatever.

A number of years ago, as I was attempting to reason with an unreasonable person and losing miserably, a colleague said to me:

“You know what your problem is?”

“Ugh.” I really did not need advice at that particular moment; however, I prized his friendship and sheepishly asked: “What?”

“It's a dog eat dog world out there, and you're a vegetarian!"

We solved that by going out to a sub shop where I gave up the anorexic bliss of salads and voraciously scarfed down a cheese-steak sandwich.

It was a road to Damascus experience

I still lose miserably with folks who accept narcissistic fiction as fact, however, I am bigger now and I figure that if I am to be eaten alive, I might as well give folks a flavorful super-sized meal.

Then again, to be candid, I was never good at being a vegetarian. I never stopped eating animal crackers and every once and awhile at Moms, I’d dive into a steak – and I can rarely remember missing turkey at Thanksgiving.

I have a number of colleagues and some family members who are, at the moment, practicing vegetarians - and I respect that choice. Besides, I really like vegetables. Then there are folks who don’t like vegetables or are otherwise broccoli intolerant. To them I say, ya really ought to “give peas a chance.”

A member of my family, who is an avid vegetarian, recently gave some seafood a try.


Writing for the Washington Post, Joel Achenbach says:

“Certain kinds of seafood, such as lobster, clams and crabs, are honorary forms of meat, but a small filet of a low-fat white fish should be viewed as essentially a vegetable. Raw oysters are manfood, as is any fish served with the head on and the mouth gaping in horror.

Me, I could live off of Dr. Pepper, coffee and grits. Hey, don’t knock the cooking with Dr. Pepper book. There are some great recipes in there.

I never tried the “vegan” approach. I often wondered how the term came about. When I was quite young I had a great deal of confusion over the term “vegetarian.” If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Mr. Achenbach calls to our attention a savior for vegans, who every once in awhile, go Jonesing for a milkshake – “soy cows.”

In the column he was initially singing the praises of his new “Fabulator 5000.”

What is a “Fabulator 5000?” I am so glad you asked. I was fascinated about this development since I am still using the Fabulator model No. 1953.

I’ll let Mr. Achenbach ‘splain:

“I love my new food printer, the Fabulator 5000, which makes the previous food printers look not just clunky but positively medieval. There's no more click-and-point nonsense on the screen, no more waiting five or six interminable minutes for the food to print. You just tell the Fab 5 what you want. The food comes out in about three or four seconds, complete with garnish and a complementary wine.”

Oh, the “soy cows?” Apparently Mr. Achenbach recently “took the kids … to Homewood Farm to see a good old-fashioned agricultural enterprise…”

“I got a look at the new soy cows, grazing in the large field just north of the orchard. The USDA apparently felt that soy milk could be produced much more efficiently if it came from cows made of soy. These cows are so green they nearly blend into the landscape. They say the soy milk is a lot better tasting (not as beany, somehow) than the stuff derived from plants, and the soy burgers are more tender. But you've probably read about how the soy cows dry up badly in drought conditions -- they literally wilt -- and even catch fire. Bored teenagers have been blamed for setting some of the cow fires.”

There is much to be appreciated by the vegetarian lifestyle; nevertheless my goal was to not be evangelical about it all.

But – and ya know there was going to be a “but” in here soon – I’ve never been fond of PETA’s Strindbergian gloom and bleakness approach to advocacy.

When I was a practicing vegetarian, invariably, some folks would suggest some linkage to me, a vegetarian, with PETA’s in-your-face humorless lactose intolerant militancy. An approach which often seems more oriented to being obnoxious and annoying instead of being compelling and persuasive to what is otherwise, a perfectly fine lifestyle, vegetarianism, for which PETA routinely does an injustice....

At a local government - social event, a local elected official’s wife was horrified that I was a vegetarian. “How can a big strapping former Marine be a vegetarian,” she gasped.

I solved that in quick order. She was a dog lover and the owner of a huge dog. I mean huge – about the size of a water buffalo.

I asked her if she had ever eaten dog. When I was in the Marines, a South Vietnamese ranger once cooked-up a mess of dog.

It tasted like chicken.

I suggested to my scowling friend that her St. Bernard could feed an entire village… And one wonders why I lost my last election?

Recently Alicia Silverstone did an ad for PETA that has garnered a great deal of attention. I can’t believe that it is winning over any converts to vegetarianism, but it has attracted attention to PETA.

Whether it is really the sort of attention that an advocacy organization wants is a bigger issue for which there is not right or wrong, it just isn’t my cup of tea.

Nevertheless, in age of so much strife and discord, I yearn for a time when peas will rule the planets, and love won’t be such a fuss. I long for the dawn of the age of asparagus.

Enter stage right, Mary Katherine Ham. Ms. Ham has done a spoof on the Ms. Silverstone ad that is a real crack-up.

Please enjoy it:


No animals were hurt in the writing of this column.

Kevin Dayhoff writes from Westminster Maryland USA.

E-mail him at: kdayhoff AT or kevindayhoff AT

His columns and articles appear in The Tentacle -; Westminster Eagle Opinion; and Winchester Report.

Friday, March 23, 2007

20070321 The secret life of baby spiders

Photo caption: “Fired spiders and gum” from the web site, “Photography by Ewen Bell.” Neat site – check it out.

March 21, 2007

This post is for my wife. Read it quickly before it is prevailed upon me to amend it or take the post down.

Me: spiders gotta live somewhere. I just Zen them. As long as they don’t change the settings on my computer or eat my ice cream – I’m good. Whatever.

My wife: Spiders seem to make my normally unfazed, calm, and sedate wife go from zero to animated in a nanosecond. I know of nothing else that bothers my wife (except liberals… fortunately she doesn’t feel the need to squish them… .)

It is somewhat the source of amusement with me. Trust me, my amusement is not shared by my wife, and I have long since learned to adjust my approach. [Soccer Dad doesn’t wear paisley (My goodness that was an ugly tie.) - - I take spiders seriously – when they are the source of my wife’s undivided attention…]

Me to wife: Wife, I just saw on Nancy Grace that Anna Nicole Smith is still dead and the world is going to come to an end. Could ya please help me grab my computer before we go to the bomb shelter?

Wife: I don’t care - - There’s a spider in the house! Get it.

Over the years we have come to a sorta agreement. Found spiders in the house are not to be killed. They are to be invited to go outside… This seems to work as long as the spider is cooperative.

For the safety of spiders, I have posted a sign at the back door that our house is not safe for spiders. It seems to have worked.

Sooo, it was with some amusement that I saw that “Spiders Love to Snuggle.”

Perhaps Jeremy Bruno up at Voltage Gate (Besides, Mr. Bruno has not one article about spiders on his blog. What gives”) may have to interpret some of this for us, but according to Jeanna Bryner LiveScience Staff Writer Wed Mar 21, 8:45 AM ET :

While not usually considered paragons of tender, familial love, some spiders do have a touchy-feely side. Scientists have discovered two arachnids that caress their young and snuggle together.

Social behavior is extremely rare in arachnids, a group of critters typically defined by their aggression, clever hunting methods and even predatory cannibalism.

"This was the best example I had ever seen of friendly behavior in an arachnid," said lead study author Linda Rayor, a Cornell University entomologist.


Video: Spider Baby Rub

Video: Spider Tickle

For (Phrynus) marginemaculatus, the stroking was mutual, with the three-week-olds also whip-caressing their moms and one another.

Video: Spider Siblings


Video: Spiders' Psychedelic Courtship Dance

Images: Creepy Spiders

Original Story: Creepy: Spiders Love to Snuggle

Since this is a family blog – we may wanna have Attila pick up the story here and here… . He goes places I can’t.

Read the rest of the article here: “Spiders Love to Snuggle.”


Tuesday, February 20, 2007

20070220 How bad was last week’s snowstorm

How bad was last week’s snowstorm in Westminster Maryland?

Daily Photoblog: February 20th, 2007

While I was in Key West Florida last week, I would call the Westminster Street Department and Carroll County PIO, Vivian Laxton, W.A.B. as often as possible and raze them that I was in 90-degree weather and they were in temperatures in the single digits.

They were in the ice and the snow at all hours of the night and day, plowing snow and chipping ice and I was sitting on my back balcony strategically positioned with my laptop overlooking the Caribbean Sea.

They vowed to get me back.

Well, they did.

Pictured above is the igloo they made of my house with tons of snow which greeted me upon my arrival late Monday afternoon, February 19th, 2007.

Not to worry. I simply went inside and made a fresh cup of tea, hooked up the laptop and raised my office window just far enough that did not let too much cold air into the house, but my wife could still hear me as I cheered her on - - while she shoveled us out.

Man ole’ man was it hard work watching my wife do all that shoveling. Oh – she was happy to do it. You see, for Valentine’s Day I had purchased her a new snow shovel.

My wife is super. I’ll think I’ll keep her.

As for the Westminster Street Department; oh, I’ll get them back. Journalists in the print media may purchase ink by the barrel, but bloggers have an infinite amount of “ones” and “zeros” at their disposal. And me, I have the ink and the 1s and 0s.


Sunday, January 7, 2007

20070103 Jamie Kelly and Megyn Kendall link rumors denied

Jamie Kelly and Megyn Kendall link rumors denied

January 3rd, 2007 – January 6th, 2007

It what can only be understand as “news” to a certain someone in Mr. Jamie Kelly’s life; rumors of a link between Fox News Channel journalist Megyn Kendal and our own Jamie Kelly of the Carroll County Times, were vigorous denied by Mr. Kelly in a recent phone call.

Avid readers of the Carroll County Times are usually aware when various members of the local paper’s news staff go missing from time-to-time.

And it was not unnoticed that Carroll County Times city desk editor Jamie Kelly took some time off recently

Then, as a coincidence(?) it was announced as the new year began, that Fox News Channel personality Megyn Kendall has changed her name – to Kelly.


FishbowlDC reported that she changed her name back to her maiden name.

Could this be a ruse to put us off the trail of a breaking news story right here at home in Carroll County? Inquiring minds want to know.

First, on June 22, 2006, there was an oblique link between Jamie Kelly and Megyn Kelly…

But rumors really began flying as early as last July 28th, 2006, when it was rumored that Mr. Kelly was spotted with Ms. Kendall at the Cafe Milano in DC eating pizza.

Ms. Kendall “was wearing a tight white strapless summer dress and looked gorgeous. She also is sporting platinum blonde hair now. She sat in the corner seat at the bar on the left as you walk into the bar area.”

And Mr. Kelly, well, he was dressed in his usual young journalist attire; jeans, blue shirt – with the shirt tail hanging out, a new brown and yellow stripped sweater. Reports were that he looked rather dapper.

And then, the day after Christmas, Ms. “Kendall (was spotted) at the Pentagon City Nordstrom… She was wandering around men’s furnishings talking on her cellphone. She’s very attractive (not just hot for D.C.), but she definitely looks older in person than on t.v. She also has a smoker’s voice that’s kind of sexy on t.v., but not so much in person.”

Well, we all know that Mr. Kelly is a clothes-horse and loves Nordstrom.

Is it that Mr. Kelly, who has recently been feeling a bit under the weather, has been running himself ragged in his double-life?

Is it all just a coincidence?

Then how does one explain this photo that has recently surfaced?

“Photoshop” says Mr. Kelly.

“That’s just crap and you know it," responded Mr. Kelly (with a smile.) “There is no truth to the rumor that I’ve hooked-up with Megyn Kendall – or Kelly, or whatever her name is,” waxed Mr. Kelly.

Meanwhile, Jeff Bercovici and John Cook posting on “Radar Online” has reported upon a possible link between Ms. Megyn Kelly and Brit Hume.

For months, a rumor has been circulating among TV news insiders in Washington, D.C., and New York that Brit Hume, Fox News Channel's managing editor in Washington and host of prime-time hour Special Report, has been having an extramarital affair with a younger colleague. The object of his alleged attentions: Megyn Kendall, a general-assignment correspondent who has been with the network since 2004.

There is no evidence to suggest that the rumors are true. Of the half-dozen sources who relayed the allegation to Radar, none could claim first-hand knowledge, and several Fox insiders said they believed it to be false. Still, the whispers have grown so loud that Hume and Kendall have been forced to deny them repeatedly to curious colleagues. (One Fox source said Hume seemed genuinely amused and somewhat flattered to be linked by gossip to the attractive and much younger Kendall.) A Fox spokesperson also flatly denied it, and suggested it was being "shopped around" by enemies of the network.

(Well, one thing is for sure, here at Soundtrack, we know that we totally made-up a connection between Jamie Kelly and Megyn Kelly because, well, we just couldn’t help ourselves. Mr. Kelly is way too much fun and besides, it was too good a coincidence and a wonderful photoshopping opportunity.)

For now, we’re going to take Mr. Kelly at his word. But we’ll keep our ears to the ground and you’ll be the first to know if we find any additional information on this story of intrigue and wonder.


Tuesday, August 22, 2006

20060822 Defiant mannequin arrested claims - self defense

Defiant mannequin arrested claims - self defense

Westminster, California

August 22, 2006

By Kant Betrue, Rhoiders

Chaos ensued in a local J.C. Penney Co. store recently when a rouge mannequin attacked a hapless shopper looking for the right blouse.

Police were called and sources close to the incident have reported that a mannequin was arrested at the scene and hauled off in handcuffs.

Defiant throughout the ordeal, the mannequin, (who may or may not be an android,) latter identified as Mrs. Roberto Caricature, said that she was only acting in self-defense.

The Department of Homeland Defense immediately raised the national threat level to a soft yellow-orange crèmesicle, for possible mannequin uprising activity.

According to published accounts, Mrs. Innocent Civilian, 51, “said she was ambushed by a legless female mannequin at the company's Westminster Mall store, a skirmish that left her with a bloodied scalp, a cracked tooth, recurring shoulder pain and numbness in her fingers.”

The Associated Press reports, Ms. Civilian “said the incident happened… in the women's department, as she was shopping for a blouse. The only one in her size was on the mannequin. As a salesclerk was removing the garment, the dummy's arm flew off and struck” Ms. Civilian in the head…

Ms. Civilian, of Westminster, (no relation to Isaac or Fig,) remarked that since the alleged “run-in with a store mannequin,” she has been traumatized by the incident and “something must be done with the rampant abuse of shoppers at the hands of lawless mannequins.”

The Los Angels Times reports, the “alleged attack was the latest in a string of mannequin mayhem incidents nationwide.

"There are a slew of lawsuits like this," said mannequin manufacturer Barry Rosenberg, who joked that stores should run background checks on dummies before letting them mingle with shoppers.

“Most of the cases involved mannequins toppling over onto customers, but an Indiana woman claimed she caught herpes from the lips of a CPR training dummy. She dropped her lawsuit against the American Red Cross in 2000 after further tests revealed that she didn't have the disease, according to news reports.”

Meanwhile, the mannequin, Mrs. Roberto Caricature, claims self-defense.

Seems the mannequin had a bad childhood. It wasn’t her fault.

Ms. Caricature explained loudly as she was lead away in handcuffs, that she was particular modest and had “tired of folks just taking her clothes off in public and leaving her exposed.”

“I have my rights,” she extolled, according to police reports. “People just walk to us mannequins all the time and fondle and ogle us. It’s not right I tell ya. It’s not right.”

"'My mom got beat up by a mannequin' was the joke around my house, "Ms. Civilian said.

For Mrs. Caricature, it is not a laughing matter. “Mannequins across the land are demanding our rights. We’re tired of being victimized.”

Mrs. Caricature, who claims to be an “adroidaquin,” the child of a marriage between an android and a mannequin, claims that she is tired of the abuse. “We dream of electric sheep too,” she elaborated.

The Los Angeles Times, for which it has long been suspected of being run by mindless, stateless androids, agreed. (There are no American flags in front of the building…)

“Getting roughed up by a dummy isn't a slapstick affair. The fiberglass figures can weigh as much as 100 pounds, said Rosenberg, chief executive of Mondo Mannequins in Hicksville, N.Y.

“He added that his company had been named in numerous lawsuits by retailers who themselves have been sued over dummy-related injuries.

“Mannequin maulings and litigation aren't new. In 1990, a Florida woman collected $175,000 after a faceless Macy's dummy fell onto her neck and reportedly injured a disc.

“In 1993, a Minnesota woman was knocked unconscious by a falling mannequin at a Dayton's department store, according to the Minneapolis Star Tribune. She needed five stitches and several chiropractic sessions to recover but didn't sue.

“And in 2001, a Canadian shopper in Vancouver won a $330,000 verdict after a Gap store mannequin landed on her head. Elizabeth Ball was apparently jinxed when it came to store displays. A few years earlier, while shopping at a lighting store, she was beaned by a falling chandelier, according to the Canadian Press.”