20021100 Occupation writer: Will code HTML for food

20021100 Occupation writer: Will code HTML for food.

November 2002



Occupation writer. Ultimately I am a slave to the masters of the page, the soldiers in my life - words.



“Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed… just do it in private and wash your hands afterwards,” attributed to Robert Heinlein.



“When I stop working the rest of the day is posthumous. I'm only really alive when I'm writing.” Tennessee Williams



I am a mild mannered vacuous unemployable college drop out - a political novice, hilltop hillbilly farmer artist with no leadership skills and decades of unaccounted for time; fighting off the forces of poverty, the intellectually stunted, and the artistically disinclined.



I will code HTML for food.

20021100 Occupation writer: Will code HTML for food.

http://kevindayhoff.blogspot.com/2002/11/20021100-occupation-writer-will-code.html

20021100 Occupation writer: Will code HTML for food.

http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/60766.html

20011217 The Artist and the Frog

The Artist and the Frog

Kant Betrue, Staff Reporter,
December 17, 2001
New Bedford Herald

Westminster — A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, if you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The man said, Look, I'm an artist. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

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Copyright © 2001 New Bedford Herald

20001120 Lillian and Nathaniel

Lillian and Nathaniel

November 20^th, 2000

Excerpted from: "Happiness Is A Warm Gun", which I wrote on November 5^th, 2000.

Kevin Dayhoff

This essay goes with any meal. On the essay evolutionary scale, this essay is a monkey on roller skates. The monkey may or may not be wearing a pink tutu - this is for you to decide.

I

n today's democratic, free-market society one frequent predominant paradigm of happiness is a two-car garage, a dog and a comfortable life in the suburbs.

Take Lillian and Nathaniel, they have a nice home. He's a locally successful captain of industry and enterprise. She has devoted her life selflessly to her professional endeavors and they have both enjoyed the fruits of their labor. Their friends, neighbors and community consider them happy and successful.

But deep-down inside, they've never found meaning and happiness in their relentless pursuit of materialism. Nathaniel never loved Lillian; he simply enjoyed her as a comfortable piece of meat. Lillian never loved Nathaniel, she always saw him as a Faustian bargain to get beyond her rampant insecurities. Nathaniel cheated on her every chance he got.

One day, out in the back yard, raking the leaves, Nathaniel collapsed in the beginning stages of a heart attack. Lillian had just returned home from grocery shopping. She rushed by his side.

The cruelest hoax in life is to hope for safely and happiness. Nathaniel was comforted as he saw Lillian approaching. Lillian smiled as she knelt down beside him and whispered in his ear, "I always hated you, you bastard," as she gently placed the plastic grocery bag over his head.

In a life-long pursuit of happiness, Lillian is finally happy.

Update: Linkin Park - Numb

19990320 My Locational Whereabouts

My Locational Whereabouts

Kevin E. Dayhoff

Westminster, MD 21158

______________________

Saturday, March 20, 1999

Commander Kay Church, Receptionist

225 North Center Street

Westminster, MD 21157-5194

410.386.2102

Dear Commander Kay,

Oh!, Ah, ummmm, Kay - It seems that I’m lost. Recently, I seem to have been dropped off the office building radar screen - on my head. I’ve gone off to find me. If you should happen to find me, could you please tell me where it is that I am. Right now, I may be losing, but I’m making record time.

Meanwhile, please hold all my calls, should I ever again be found on the County Staff reorganized organizational chart, other than under a rock, face down in Longwell Run desperately hugging a bunny with a clump of unopened resignation letters waded up in my mouth. If Hillary Clinton calls, take a message.

If you should find me aimlessly wondering about the halls of the office building, with a shell shock look about my unshaven face, staggering, stuttering, slobbering and muttering to myself, please direct me to safety; - preferably someplace where chocolate covered doughnuts can be found.

Should you, ever hear a voice similar to mine, disseminating from the close proximity of a pounding sound on the inside a trash truck, would you please consider stopping the truck and saving me from the landfill?

In case I am ultimately ground up into veggie burger and fed to the bog turtles, allow me to share with you what a pleasure it has been to serve under you. Thanks !

Sincerely yours,

Uncle Kevin

Remember Kay, always keep your salad shooter at the ready!!